Here I am on day ten of seven. I have written and posted every day. I have done it. I made it through. I have kept myself accountable. No headache and no sleep deprivation could stop me. I should feel like celebrating. I should be proud of myself. So why do I feel so empty? Why is this little nagging voice taking over my whole head booming about that this has nothing to say? This is me taking a step back to get a clearer view on what is going on.
I have had a bad accountability record. Putting everyone’s needs in front of mine made it very hard to change this. I made promises to myself only to break them again while promising that it would be only temporary. You know those temporary solutions that are still in place years later because you never came about to do something about them? We get so used to them that they will go unregistered, unseen after just a short while. Those screws substituting for cloth hangers or the moving boxes, filled with unknown stuff, serving as side tables? Just a small nuisance in the flow of your day. Really? Continue reading “Accountability and the shadows of fear”