Or what is it that you love helping people with by using your talents, skills and passions? What would you be happy and excited to help others with even if you didn’t get paid?
If you want to get to my answer right away and avoid my rambling about these questions just follow this link .
Another writing prompt and another set of questions to reflect on myself. Having been on this journey of self-discovery for some years I know these questions all too well. So before diving into answering any of those questions just have a quick look at them first. Reflecting on reflecting questions? Yes, you got it.
As humans we develop two basic needs while still being a fetus in the womb of our mothers. These two needs are represented by the two major experiences we are making during this time. We are connected and we outgrow ourselves every day. After being born we try to keep these two very positive experiences in our life and so we connect to our family and the surrounding environment by adapting it and we outgrow ourselves by learning every day by playing and trying out new things like talking or walking. Whenever we achieve to satisfy either of these needs we feel appreciated and important. This is our indicator for knowing we are heading in the right direction – the good gut feeling. All of this works perfectly fine as long as we are having enough chances to satisfy both needs by being ourselves. The problem therefore arises if this fails.
How can we fail to satisfy our needs of connection and outgrowing ourselves by being ourselves? It hasn’t as much to do with us as it has to do with our environment. If circumstances in society or our intimate community make out favorable and unfavorable traits we try to behave accordingly. We try to be normal and fit it. Sometimes we get so used to this that we identify with this new person. Yes, we might feel a little of but we are amply rewarded with connection and appreciation. It takes us a while to realize that we are not growing anymore. Instead we are working hard on perfecting traits that have little value for ourselves. We don’t feel like we are growing. If this feeling of stagnation is threatening to become overwhelming we usually find a solution to this problem. The solution could be to take ill with a mental disease like depression. It’s not that this person is consciously choosing this route, it is just a way for the brain to stop the turmoil in its chemistry. Another way could be to reflect on the problem and dig up the patterns that have been keeping us from being ourselves. This also is going to quite the turmoil in our brain.
The second approach is known among others as shadow work. Any unwanted trait is forced to the shadows. This does not mean that we stop having it. It is more like an underground operation. It will come up again and again to try and call our attention. The more we try to avoid it the more it will push itself at us. A trait is just a trait. There is no good or bad, right or wrong. All of those are labels we apply according to our believes about what is going to satisfy our needs of being connected and loved as well as being able to challenge and outgrow ourselves. An unwanted trait could be to be feeling. I have met a lot of women who wished to be more unfeeling or tougher as they would call it. They pushed their emotions aside to be seen as more professional in their workplaces. I have seen the same in men.
When it comes down to it, we are all just human, we are all alike.
How do I know all this? I have been down that road many times myself. I helped people to be liked and appreciated. I even did work I didn’t enjoy a bit just because I believed it was necessary to do so in order to keep a relationship. I had created an army of unwanted shadow traits, haunting me not only in my nightmares but also in my state of health. People thanked me for my help but I wasn’t giving it with enthusiasm, excitement or happiness. I rarely was using my skills, talents or passions. I didn’t even know them. So when I first answered the question of what people thanked me for I wrote down a long list of things. Asking myself whether I appreciated doing these things I went through all the items again crossing of every item that didn’t fit this description. The list lost two thirds of its length. I had been spending a vast amount of my time and energy on things that I believed I needed to do but didn’t enjoy doing. A model case for using my life time in a very wasteful manner.
My journey in the last few years has seen me face a lot of those shadows and bring them back to light. I embraced many traits that make me uniquely me and that I thought to be unfitting for a long time. They are however fitting me very well. I still have a journey ahead of me, learning more and more about myself and uncovering myself layer by layer. It is a very interesting and rewarding adventure. Even though it isn’t always easy I can highly recommend it. In this process I have learned a very valuable lesson.
Your greatest strengths are those traits you believe to be normal and often unworthy to be mentioned or noticed.
So lets get down to my answers to those questions at the present time and the traits that I didn’t see for a long time. People visiting my workshops or coaching sessions regularly thank me for creating an environment of trust, an environment in which they are allowed to play, experiment, learn and grow together as a group (as you may have realized they are having a great time satisfying their two basic needs 😉 ). I love helping people if they need to look at things from many various angles, generate an overarching picture, need to bring structure to chaos, would love to learn more by getting in touch with people (customers, employees, …). I love generating ideas, putting ideas to the test and then hand the project over to someone who is better in keeping a system running in everyday life. I am very passionate about people. I love to learn everything about humans in general. I appreciate it even more to get to know people in depth, to relate to them, to truly understand and see them. My basic skills to do most of this work is a quickness of mind, loads and loads of empathy, a hunger for learning new skills and acquiring knowledge as well as my positivity, expressed in a radiant smile.
What would I be happy and excited to help people with even if I didn’t get paid? Thankfully I have had the chance to experience this already. I care about people. I care about them to be happy and to be able to satisfy their two basic needs, to connect and outgrow themselves. I have been so fortunate to be able to create these experiences in my workshops on key competences and my personal coaching. Tell me how I can help you and I will put all my energy to learning everything that needs to be known to get you going again, to facilitate you finding your own solutions and be a helping hand when you start to implement those solutions. I rejoice in your progress. I am honored to have earned your trust to be a part of your journey and to be allowed to reach out to you, connect to you and facilitate your growth. This is what I love to do and give.